MORE Lies Girls Have Told us

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"I don't go out on many dates..."

Lie. This one immediately sets off my bullshit detector. Why the hell do girls say this all the time? What do they want, my sympathy? I recently had the misfortune of talking to a girl that claimed she rarely went on dates.. yet every night of the week she goes dancing and hangs out with dipshits at the club. Hmm... going out, hanging around with guys.. sounds like the equivalent of a date to me, jackass.

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"These new pants are giving me a rash between my legs..."

Lie. No, your inability to keep your legs closed for five minutes is giving you a rash between your legs. There's a girl I talked to that told me this; she said that she couldn't go dancing because she had a rash between her legs:

GROSS!
It just so happens that she's a super-bitch too. I'll just call her Crotch-Rash for short (to conceal her identity--not that it matters, anyone can follow the trail of nasty-nast she leaves behind to find out who she is). Maybe if Crotch-Rash didn't jump on everything that moved, she wouldn't be in the situation that she's in. Silly Crotch-Rash, pull your head out of your ass.

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"I think you're really cool, let's hang out some time..."

Lie. This one translates to "I have no intention of calling you or hanging out with you, but I'm too much of a coward to tell you the truth, so I'll lead you on for a couple of weeks while you put your life on hold for me in case I actually stop being the indecisive bitch that I am and I give you a straight answer." Like I don't have anything better to do than to sit around and wait for your dumbass to call me. I'm so sick of inconsiderate hags that act like they're doing me a favor by gracing me with their BORING-ASS conversations on the phone. Tell you what super-bitch, just forget it.

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"I like everything when it comes to music..."

Lie. Oh, you like everything? Great! Since you like all music, we'll listen to what I want the whole time. Dipshit. I hate even talking about music with girls because more often than not, if it's not something off of the latest top 10 on the radio or some new-age hippy bullshit, chances are that she's never heard of it. Hey, I have an idea! Why don't you derive your own taste in music and stop listening to the trendy shit on radio stations for a change. Just for the record, anyone that listens to NSYNC has problems, seriously. Who the hell in their right mind would listen to NSYNC? If you see NSYNC in your friend's CD collection, that should be a warning flag that says "STAY AWAY." Crotch-Rash listened to NSYNC and look at what a bitch she turned out to be.

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"All I want is a nice guy that will make me feel special, that will listen to me and love me forever..."

Lie. She left off the part about "and a guy that will have plenty of raunchy sex with me because that's all most girls are really looking for, but we're too shallow to admit that to you because we want to keep this 'virgin-girl' image we have going on and we don't want to sound too slutty, so we're going to pretend that all the nice guys we've met so far haven't fit the bill when in reality, they've treated us infinitely better than any guy we could ever hope to meet at a club downtown." I've said this before and I'll say it again:

GIRLS DON'T WANT NICE GUYS. END OF STORY.

I know there are SOME out there that do.. the ratio of honest girls that want nice guys to sleazy girls that are in it for money and sex is very small, if not non-existant. However, I won't consider this possibility at this time.

Almost every guy that goes to a club goes there for one reason: ass. More often than not, they get it. Way to go champ, you got laid, now wipe off the disease and try your luck again. That's all they want and girls aren't so stupid as to not realize this, but they want to make it sound like they're perpetual victims that can't find the elusive "nice guy." Why don't you actually TRY LOOKING for one, you moron? That's like a guy trying to find a "nice girl" by cruising the streets downtown. You tread the grounds of prostitutes, so don't complain that all you have to show for it is a yield of whores. I'm so sick and tired of girls giving the false impression that they want a nice guy; this is only true for women in their 30's that have already spent a decade getting their brains screwed out and now they're finally pulling their heads out of their ass and they're looking for a decent guy to settle down with. It's not going to happen moron, you blew your chance. I see girls fall for bad guys every day. I see girls abused, cheated on and insulted in public ALL THE TIME. What the hell is wrong with them? They think that there's something wild and untamable about bad guys that's attractive? WAKE UP. WAKE UP. You're getting abused, hurt, murdered and taken advantage of. Holy shit, how can people be so stupid? Is there no end to the barrel of stupid they drink from?

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"I'm not really seeing anyone..."

Lie. "...except for Jack, but he's just a friend.. and then there's Charlie, but it's nothing more than sex. I'm kind of seeing Rupert on the side, but he has two kids and I don't know if I want to be tied down by kids right now.. then there's Eddie, but he's a mechanic.. oh he's so hot, but I can't settle down with someone like him because he has no future and I need commitment .. John .. Jacob .. Mark .. blah blah blah blah blah" SOMEBODY TURN HER OFF. You want to find a guy, yet all you do is talk about other guys. Great move dipshit. No wonder you can't find anyone. Here's a hint: quit sleeping around. Maybe someone will eventually respect you enough to treat you more than just a sex object.

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"I've never had sex before..."

Lie. Unless you ignore all those times I've been felt up on dates, performed and received oral, fooled around with other girls, etc etc etc. Why do girls lie about this? It doesn't have to be coitus for it to be sex. Sex is sex. Quit trying to give people the false impression that you're innocent and pure. Just tell the truth. If you're embarassed about it and regret doing it, then you probably shouldn't have done it in the first place. At the very least, you could respect yourself by telling the truth.

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"Sorry I didn't call, my uncle was sick and there wasn't a phone in the hospital and I thought that maybe your pager battery died so I didn't bother paging you to tell you to not wait for me all day..."

Lie. Translation: I went drinking with my girlfriend and my mom. Oh, you didn't know I had a girlfriend? Oh yeah, well I'm bi and we've been seeing each other on and off (in more ways than one) for over two and a half years. I guess I forgot to mention that part. True story.

a colourful punjabi wedding.......................

The Punjabis are best known for their zest for life, vivaciousness and of course, the bhangra, know how to pull all stops when it comes to celebrating. Punjabi Wedding Ceremony is a very lively yet a simple function and is celebrated with lots of relish. The wedding ceremony consists of many rituals, which have a distinctive significance and charisma. These weddings due to their colorful manner have got a major place in Indian movies.

Match Making
Matchmaking among Punjabis strictly follows the caste and descent of the prospective boy or the girl. Punjabis usually marry their daughter and son within the community only. Though relations among different castes and communities are increasingly being accepted by them and it is admirable about them. Horoscopes are matched to see which day is auspicious for the marriage.

Costumes
The wedding dress for the bride includes a Sharara, which is a long following skirt and blouse. There is a dupatta to cover the head. The groom wears a gorgeous Sherwani or a conventional salwar and kurta. But there are no rigid rules here.

Pre Wedding Rituals
There are a number of pre wedding rituals, which makes the Punjabi wedding even more colorful.

Roka Ceremony - Punjabi Wedding, Indian WeddingRoka: Roka ceremony is performed on a mutually convenient chosen date as `shubh muhurat`. Family members and close friends for basically exchanging gifts and cash attend this function. The girl`s mama (mother`s brother) gives her the nath (nose ring) that she wears on her wedding. The origin of this ceremony lies in the arranged marriage norm where the parents would let out the world that they are Rokalooking for a suitable match for their son or daughter. And once they had found that match, their search had come to an end. Though rings are not exchanged, the couple stands unofficially engaged after this ceremony. The wedding date is fixed after roka.

Sagai: The wedding celebrations begin with the tikka ceremony, held a week to ten days before the wedding (depending on the number of functions to follow) in which the family of the girl visits that of the boy`s carrying beautifully wrapped gifts and the tikka material: a silver tray with a few grains of rice and saffron in a tiny silver bowl, 14 chuharey (dried dates) covered with silver foil and a coconut wrapped in a gold leaf.

Sagan: The ceremony usually takes at the groom`s house. Sacred fire ceremony named "havan" is performed. The girl`s father applies the "tikka" (made of kesar, rice grains and flower petals) on the boy`s forehead who takes the blessing from the girl`s family members. Each of the relatives and friends present from the girl`s side then offers mithai to the boy and gives cash.

Chunni Chadana: On this occasion, the boy`s parents and relatives visit the girl`s house. The boy`s sister presents the bride a red "chunni" or a red sari. After dressing the girl in those clothes, they lead her to the venue of the ceremony where the groom`s mother gives her gifts and adorns her with jwellery. The boy and the girl exchange rings and the girl is given gifts, in cash and kind, by all those present from the boy`s side.

Sangeet: Before the wedding day after Sagan on every night till the wedding day, the relatives and friends get together for singing sessions both at the boy`s as well as the girl`s house. One day is fixed for special sangeet session, which is attended and celebrated by both the sides together.

Mehendi: Mehendi is applied on the bride`s hands and feet either by a family member or by a professional but the important factor is that the Mehendi is sent by the boy`s side as part of the kwar dhoti. Wedding Ceremony

chuda ceremony - Punjabi Wedding, Indian WeddingCeremonies at the girl`s house: The "chuda" ceremony begins with a "havan" or "puja". The oldest members of the family performing this ceremony keep a fast till chuda. The chuda, i.e., the set of cream and red ivory bangles, is not shown to the girl just before the ceremony. After the puja everybody present is supposed to touch the chuda, which symbolizes offering his or her good wishes to the girl. The bride is suppose to sit in front of the four oil lamps lit and to which the oil is constantly added so that the glow will be reflected on her face and she will look more beautiful on the wedding eve. A paste of turmeric powder and mustard oil is applied to her body and then the bride is given a bath with holy water. The bride then wears her bridal attire, which as per tradition given by the maternal uncle.

Sehra Ceremonies at the Groom`s house: The bridegroom is applied a paste of turmeric and mustard oil and is bathed by water brought by his sister in law. He changes into his wedding attire, which is presented to him by his maternal uncle. The boy`s father or an elderly relative ties the "sehra" on his head. The pink turban is touched by all present before it is died on the groom`s head. The groom then leaves for the venue.

At the venue: The bride`s family waits at the entrance to greet the baarat (the groom and his family), who reach singing and dancing. The father, brother, uncles and grandfathers of the groom embrace the corresponding members of the bride`s family. While embracing, they try to lift each other as a show of strength and superiority, amidst much laughter and cheer. When they enter the venue the bride is brought out and the couple exchange garlands. The groom, who is usually taller than the bride, is not supposed to bend while she is garlanding him, to tease the bride as if to say she is the one who would have to compromise in the relationship; he will not bend. Another game played is by placing a ring in a plate filled with milk. The bride and groom dip their hands in the plate and the one who comes out with the ring will dominate in the marriage.

As the time of the mahurat approaches, the boy is led to the "vedi" where the pundit performs puja for the boy. The boy recites the first few mantras only. This is the time for the mischievous pranksters from the girl`s side to grab for the groom`s shoes, which they later exchange for money. Thereafter the girl is led to the "vedi". Then the ritual of "kanya daan" takes place where the girl`s father puts a ring on the boy`s finger before placing his daughter`s hand in his. Thereafter the couple takes the seven pheras around the holy fire. Then the bride puts a foot on a stone as she says no matter what problems come their way, she will be stable - solid as a rock. Her brother pours kheel (a sweet) into her hands, which she pours into her husband`s hands. Just as the kheel cannot return to it`s original state of grain, neither can the bride return to her earlier state of daughter of the house.

Bidai - Punjabi Wedding, Indian WeddingOnce this is done the boy`s father sprinkles water on the newly-weds to say that if there are misunderstandings between them, he will help calm them down - not add fuel to the fire. The bride then makes a tearful farewell to her new home in what is known as the `bidai`. Traditionally she would sit in a doli (palanquin), which would be carried by the bride`s brothers. Even now some brides sit in a doli, which takes her to the getaway car, where the groom and a few members of his family are waiting to escort her home.

Post Wedding Rituals
As per tradition on her first day in her new home, the bride is supposed to make a sweet dish like halwa or kheer. The parents and relatives of the groom give gifts and presents to the bride. After that the newly wed couple visit the girl`s parents where the girl and boy are given gifts of clothes and jwellery by the girl`s parents and relatives.